Ymm Wilderness Survival Courses

"Where your talents and the needs of the world cross; there lies your purpose." Aristotle

Roddy Cross here, Fort McMurray Survival Expert, and I was recently talking to someone about an incident that happened about a year ago. Long story short a young man made a few mistakes that led to him sitting up in a tree covered in Moose blood, surrounded by Wolves, with nothing but a rifle and four rounds to his name. Thankfully he was rescued with only a touch of hypothermia but none the worse for wear. His biggest mistake was leaving his gear, behind before venturing into a place he didn't know. So because of this I have decided to see if there is interest in a wilderness survival course in the area of Wood Buffalo.

The course would entail:
- different levels of gear so you never find yourself without.
- fire building.
- shelter building.
- survival psychology.
- survival strategy.

Obviously everything would be in the field, and I will be making blog posts and youtube videos on my channel involving the course work. Price will be decided at a later date and the only gear required will be a knife and a way to start a fire(personal preference for both). Other gear is allowed but the lesson will involve only the knife and fire starter. I'm thinking I will hold the course one or two Saturday nights a month depending on my schedule.

If anyone would be interested in this please feel free to email me at roddy2hotty@gmail.com. Until next time live forever, Wolf out.

What if: Viral Outbreak(Day one)

(All right so this one is going to be a little different than the first two. I'll set you up, its late September of 2016, an unknown viral outbreak has begun to spread across the world. the virus is extremely fatal with an long gestation period during which it is highly contagious. All the rest will parallel my real situation. This won't be pretty and it won't be fun.)

September 21, 2016 Day One

Work tomorrow so here I am at the grocery store buying food for work. All around me things seem normal as people go about their day buying groceries, but things aren't normal. The headlines are filled with the latest virus scare, just under the headlines about the American election. It seems one of the election candidates has been missing from the public eye for several days.
My gut told me something was wrong, very wrong, admittedly my gut always told me something was wrong. Almost without thinking I grabbed some extra items; two cases of water, a bulk pack of toilet paper, protein bars, dried milk, and meal replacements. As I paid for my items the pretty young cashier gave me a smile and raised eyebrow, before ringing through the items. I briefly considered warning her but realized it would only make her uncomfortable and me look crazy.
After I loaded the groceries into my Jeep I made a beeline to the Canadian Tire and picked up four half mask respirators, half a dozen chemical resistant coveralls, painters clothes, and as much duct tape as I could afford. Next stop was the outdoors store for two pound propane bottles and ammunition. Finally it was off to the Shoppers's Drugmart for surgical gloves and hand sanitizer, my credit rating was taking a huge hit today but it wouldn't be the first time and if I was wrong I would just pay it off later.
I tuned to the AM news station on my drive home, the boring voiced liberal media was never my thing but occasionally they hit on something useful. On my short drive home I learned about a wine festival in the Okanogan but nothing useful.
Back at home I did my best to keep my wife, Eden, from seeing my extra purchases. She never liked my paranoid prepper life style but I figured it was better safe than story. My ability to be prepared was far better than my ability to be discrete and she caught on pretty quickly.
"What is it this time? Terrorists? World War 3? These things never turn to be true and you're just wasting money babe."
"It's a viral outbreak this time and it's here."
"What do you mean it's here?"
"I drove past the hospital and it was lined up out the door."
"That happens a lot babe."
"There's more, there's been an increase of sick calls at work and everywhere else."
"So are we just going to hide in the house?"
"No you and Xavier are, we can afford that, I'll go to work until I can't anymore."
Outside an ambulance flew past our house with lights and sirens screaming. For the first time in our marriage my wife consented and said her and Xavier would stay at home for a little while. Before I went to bed I saw a new headline stating the US presidential candidate had died, and just below that a body count from India that had reached six digits.

What If: Stranded in winter

Well here we are with another what if scenario, this time my vehicle has slid off a winter road and left me stranded. It's the middle of winter, night, and snow is falling.

I locked the four wheel drive and feathered the gas, the whine of free spinning tires confirmed that I wasn't going anywhere. Flipping on the Auxiliary Lights I stepped out of the my Jeep Patriot and into knee deep snow. The landscape around me flickered as the heavy snow floated past the lights, it was damn cold too. I looked both ways down the winter road between Fort Chipewyan and Fort Smith, but there wouldn't anyone coming this way for a while.
It was after ten on a Saturday night in the middle of February, so I lit a cigar and considered my situation. I could probably dig the Jeep out but with the snow still falling and after I long day I had no desire to do any late night digging. There was no cell service and no one would be looking for me tonight. So I put out my cigar and climbed back in the Jeep, flicking off the lights and killing the engine.
Unlacing my boots I climbed into the back of the Jeep, which I converted into a camper for this trip by folding down the back seats and laying down a sleeping pad and sub zero sleeping bag. Clicking on a little battery powered lantern which filled the Jeep with light, I grabbed my adventure/survival pack. Inside I had several MREs and a couple bottles of water, I sipped at the water while the MRE, Beef Ravioli, cooked.
I flipped through a survival guide while I ate, the food bland but filling. A chocolate bar for desert and I crawled into my sleeping in bag. the Jeep was cold but inside the bag I was warm and as I drifted off to sleep I hoped the Jeep would start in the morning.
It was still dark when I woke and a check of my watch showed it to be about eight in the morning. I crawled out of my sleeping bag and immediately began shivering. Inside the bag it had been several balmy degrees above zero but out in the Jeep it was at least ten degrees below, with condensation frozen to all the windows.
Climbing into the driver's seat I turned the key and was greeted to the purring of the Jeep's engine coming to life. I cranked the heat and rolled down opposite windows before climbing back into the living area for breakfast. A water bottle from my sleeping bag warmed up the pork sausage MRE for breakfast while I waited for the Jeep to warm up.
Breakfast finished and the windows cleared I laced up my boots and got out of the Jeep. It was chilly but I was dressed warm as always, I lit my cigar back up and looked around. At least two or three centimeters had fallen while I was sleeping covering the road and the Jeep.
First things first I had to clean the Jeep off and make myself more visible. I ran into my first complication clearing off the hood when I discovered the front tires had frozen into the snow. Second complication came when I discovered a large gap of air between the back tires and Terra firma. I wasn't going anywhere without a tug back onto solid ground.
I was right in the middle between the two villages with 180 km in either direction and it was Sunday. I briefly considered walking to one of them but I didn't have provisions, a map, and it was winter. So I grabbed my shovel off the roof and started chipping away at the front tires. After about an hour I had the tires basically free and realizing the Jeep was still running decided to check the fuel.
The gauge had dipped below half a tank so I shut the engine off and emptied one of the three Jerry cans into the tank putting me at just under full. With nothing else to do and the sun rapidly rising in the south I dropped back into the driver's seat and flicked on the hazards. I had just finished my lunch of an energy bar and water when I heard the honking coming from the road.
I jumped out of the Jeep and waved to the pickup that had stopped a few feet down the road. A kind looking man with a round face and broad smile stepped out and waved.
"You all right?"
"I'm fine, thank you, just need a little tug."
"I think I can help, you got a rope?"
"Yup, You line up and I'll grab the strap."
He got back into his truck and lined up with the Jeep while I grabbed the bright yellow tow strap from inside. Two hooks and a quick tug and the Jeep was back on the road, I smiled and thanked my rescuer who wished me well. The tow strap back in the trunk and my sunglasses on I hit the road thinking of the smiling faces waiting for me and the way things could have gone.

What if? Trapped in Rio during a coup

In the last issue of Recoil Off-Grid magazine they did a what if involving you and your partner being trapped in Rio during an uprising. I read the three ideas in the magazine and decided as an exercise I would do on of my own, it goes as follows.

I was annoyed already, I hated coming to countries where the government had little power to begin with and Brazil was really going down hill. I had come down for a Security Convention and was anxious to get back home but Eden wanted to enjoy the beaches and some shopping so I had relented. It had been quite apparent that things had gone to shit around Rio and were only getting worse.
The fecal matter impacted the air turbine just as we returned to our hotel from a day of shopping. All around sounds of civil unrest echoed around the big city but the sounds of screams and the chatter of automatic weapons clinched it for me, it was time to go. I hustled Eden up to our hotel room where we quickly changed into our Canadian flag shirts and grabbed a few things.
I wore Under Armour tactical boots in desert tan and a pair of matching cargo pants. Eden wore flip flops and denim shorts as she refused to dress practically. We gathered up our passports and cash, I wasn't too worried about hiding them because I figured anyone willing to rob us would probably also kill us. The news said the rebels were after Americans so I hoped our Canadian shirts would help but wasn't confident.
Both around six foot tall with pale features and bright eyes, her's blue and mine green, there was no way Eden and I would be blending in. Instead I decided to grab the SOG Pentagon Elite 2 I liked to carry everywhere and just hope I didn't need it. I checked my phone and punched in directions for the Canadian Embassy, it was closer than the airport and probably our best bet.
My hopes to leave without a fight were quickly dashed as the sound of screams and gunfire came from just down the hall. I told Eden to lock herself in the bathroom and the hunker down in the tub while I got ready. I latched the door and braced the chair against the handle, they were in the next room now. I pressed my ear to the wall and closed my eyes, there were two of them, both most likely armed and confident about their power.
I crouched down on the right hand side of the door so the door would swing away from me. Without warning the door shook and one of the men outside uttered a stream of what I can only imagine were Portuguese curses. This was followed by the rapid boom of automatic weapons fire punching several holes in the door.
I knew what was coming and prepared myself mentally, I'd never had to kill anyone, hell I'd never been in a fight since High School but I had something these two didn't. I had promised to keep my wife safe no matter what and I wasn't about to let two punks hurt her. The door came flying into the room just as my mind cleared and adrenaline surged into my veins.
The two thugs came into the room right behind the door, missing me entirely as they went for the suitcases still on the bed. The first one in carried an AK47 while his partner had a pistol I couldn't immediately identify, they both wore balaclavas made from T-shirts.
Rising up behind them I stepped up and drove the Pentagon directly into the base of pistol guy's skull, he collapsed immediately without warning but it caught his friend's attention. He turned quickly but the AK was too long and he couldn't bring it to bear before I lunged the three feet between us and tackled him to the floor. At six feet and 230 pounds the little rebel didn't have a chance to stop me, the AK bouncing away on the carpeted floor.
His head bouncing of the bed from left my opponent a little dazed, and hating ground fighting I took the advantage by straddling my heavy frame over the little rebel's chest. Wrapping my left hand around his throat I squeezed, hard. My nails dug into the would be killer's flesh as his eyes bulged and he clawed at my wrist. Realizing I was short on time and his friends may have heard the scuffle I made the decision to finish things by stabbing him in the chest, the shark tooth blade piercing flesh and bone until the struggling stopped.
I looted the corpses for anything I could use, the pistol turned out to be a Glock, not my favourite but it would do. I left the AK but not before bending the barrel against the floor. Two extra mags for the Glock was all I found of use on the two.
I knocked on the bathroom and told Eden she could come out but to keep her eyes closed and I would lead her out of the room. The hotel had gone quiet and I assumed the two here had been the only ones in the hotel. Without a holster to store it in I put the Glock into my waistband between my belt and my pants. The magazines went into a cargo pocket and the knife back into my front right pocket.
Eden came out of the bathroom and we made our way down to the lobby, it was deserted except for the bodies of the staff and a few guests.
Out the main doors I saw a bright orange pickup idling with two more balaclava sporting rebels and told Eden we would head out the back. Once out in the alley we began making our way to the Embassy which my phone said was still eight block away, there was no cell service in the city but I had downloaded the map on the hotel's Wi-Fi. As we reached the edge of the alley I could hear the sounds of chanting and gunfire coming from the street.
Peering around the corner I witnessed a mob of gun toting rebels engaged in a firefight with the Police. I told Eden we would have to find another way, which meant going back down the alley and away from the Embassy. Running as quickly as Eden could in flip flops we headed for the other end of the alley.
A guy in a VW bus was at the end of the alley, he waved to us and called out "Americans?" I shook my head and replied "Canadians!" He nodded and motioned for us to get in, which we quickly obliged as another truck loaded with masked man came around the corner a few blocks down.
Eden sat behind the driver and I sat kitty corner to him as I pulled the door shut. Without prompting the driver took off and headed down the street. Showing the driver my phone I said "Embaixada do Canada."
He nodded and immediately took off in the opposite direction of the Embassy. I looked at Eden shook my head and pulled the Pentagon from my pocket, opening it as quietly as possible. The driver turned left into a park and stopped under a tree. The van wasn't completely stopped as his upper body turned, the left hand bringing the concealed pistol to bear on us.
Using my left hand I reached out and half cocked the pistol, jamming it, my right swung up and speared the knife through the driver's left wrist. I followed the swing all the way up until the knife pierced the van's roof, I pulled the pistol from his grasp as I did so. To my great surprise Eden cold cocked the driver, an audible crack followed by a steady stream blood from his nose.
I handed Eden the driver's Tokarev and pulled the Glock from my belt, the driver had begun screaming. As the tears from his broken nose cleared the driver realized he was staring down the barrel of my borrowed Glock and he became very silent. I pulled the Pentagon out of his wrist and told him to "get the fuck out." I don't know if he understood the words or the tone but he left the van in a hurry.
Eden and I climbed into the front seats of the van and I swung us around and headed back towards the Embassy. As we got closer to the road again I cleared the jammed Tokarev and handed it to Eden, who was usually pretty anti gun but she took it without question. The streets were choked with fires, vehicles, and bodies but I was able to find us a clear path to the Embassy without anymore trouble.
I rolled to stop and advised Eden to get out but leave the gun in the van as we approached the embassy.
We approached the embassy with our hands up and a big clean cut man carrying an MP5 approached and said "are you two Canadian?" I nodded and held out our passports. "Well you're just in time, everyone is leaving." We followed the Embassy guard to a waiting helicopter.

History's Alone, the next challenge.

So I've started watching alone on the History Go app because I didn't have time before due to apocalyptic forest fire conditions. I applied for this show back before they decided what it was going to be and didn't get it, things are different now. I'm a lot more experienced and the show has a set system.

So season 2 has no Canadians except for a Spanish guy. I think I would be great on this show for several reasons. First I'm crazy, with no fear. Second the Boreal Forest is my home turf, so all the things that catch the yankees off guard is just a Tuesday for me. Third I am insanely adaptable.

Now lets talk about everyone's favourite part of the show, the 10 items I would bring:

1. A knife, most likely The Beast(AKA Sog Junle Canopy)
2. My Gerber Bear Grylls Ferro Rod
3. Assorted fishing gear
4. Sog Folding Saw
5. Sog Basecamp Badaxe
6. My subzero sleeping bag
7. Metal Pot
8. Tarp
9. Paracord
10. Sog Powerlock Multitool

Now with that said I need an audition video, and the best way to get that is to go out and play in the woods. So I am going to pack just those 10 items (slight change I will be taking a bivvy rather than my sleeping bag because my sleeping bag isn't here) and I'm going to go out into the woods for 3 days and see what happens. Wish me luck and watch for the videos. I'm going to start posting them again very soon. Until next time, live forever, Wolf out.

#ymmfire June 12: The Hidden Damage

For those of you who have been reading my blog so far it all sounded pretty exciting right? A big adventure and what I always wanted. Well they always say be careful what you wish for. This chapter is going to be different but I feel it is far too often an ignored part of these situations.

There is a section missing from every survival manual, an epilogue missing from the end of every disaster book, a massive hidden problem the world too often ignores. That's what happens when the crisis is over and things begin to return to normal. It's not visible, it happens only in the mind of each person affected by the tragedy.

Last night I called my leader at work and asked for the number for a counselling service. What prompted this? I spent five minutes frozen, crying into my steering wheel because I couldn't stop the thoughts that my wife cheated on me. Did she? No, she didn't and I was aware of this but I couldn't stop myself.

What happened to me was most likely happening to many people who had been in the same situation. I was breaking down. I don't know the reason but I know it had been building up for quite some time.

When I got the call to return to work I suffered a full blown anxiety attack because they wanted me to be separated from my Jeep. When I left my family to come back to Fort McMurray it took all my will not to turn back around at every overpass.

I stopped wanting to do things, any thing. I started smoking far more than I normally would. I considered taking drinking back up.

I am afraid to go back to my home which is perfectly fine, I am afraid to go back alone. I have started suffering constant anxiety attacks over things that aren't always real. My leader told me I appeared to be suffering ptsd based on a course he took.

Now I'm not doing this for attention, not for myself anyways. I know I can't be the only one going through this, it may not manifest the same for everyone and it may not even happen. Everyone is different, but I will tell you this, I was extremely embarrassed to admit that I couldn't do it anymore.

Crying, breaking down, or just doing things that might be considered "weak" is considered taboo especially for men. I am not looking for sympathy, I will be talking to someone and working through this, but if you are reading this and you are having a rough time, I don't care if it's because of the evacuation or an unrelated matter I want you to talk to someone.

There are plenty of counselling services available, many of which are free. Don't suffer alone, please. It's okay to be sad or scared or hurt or anything like that. What's not okay is thinking there is something wrong with you, thinking that you are alone.

I haven't cried except tears of rage since before I was double digits. The world told we it wasn't acceptable, I told myself it wasn't acceptable. I'm here to tell you I'm wrong, if it hurts, cry.

If reach the point where you just can't, or you feel you've done enough, or things have quieted down it's okay, you're not alone plenty of people have been there. Cry, scream, write, hug, talk to someone, whatever you need, the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Remember it's not a contest, everyone handles things differently but everyone experiences things. One more thing, if you notice someone that's reached their breaking point reach out to them, let them know they're not alone.

I'm signing off now, but I'll be back soon. Until then, good luck and live forever.

#ymmfire Day Four: Now What

Woke up once again in the Jeep, in a parking lot for the second time in three days. Realized that sleeping in the front seat is not something I want to make a habit of. Time to start the day, which means using the facilities in the gas station, and buying gas station food for breakfast.

Next the committee of the Jeep and the f150 decided we would wait for the press release form the politicians before we moved on. In the mean time Eden and I had to cancel our vacation, which involved calling a travel agency who had no sympathy for our situation and could only offer us a booking at a later date at a hefty cost to us. After I tried talking to the travel agency and called the agent somewhat less than humane I called the airline.

I spoke to a lovely lady named Angela at American Airlines who was sympathetic, incredibly helpful, and aware of the situation. She was able to get my a full refund and her deepest sympathies, to which I informed her she had lived up to her name and bade her well.

The press release made it quite clear we weren't going home anytime soon so we formed a mini convoy and started heading south, no destination yet in mind. Taking a right at the end of 881 we headed down a dirt and dust road towards Plamondan and Grassland.

A quick stop on the side of the road after the bearded dragon had a nasty bowel movement, where I discovered my rifle case was getting filled with dust(more on this later). In Plamondan we saw more scenes of vehicles lined up at gas stations and signs offering help as we drove through.

At the highway 63 turn off traffic was slowed as a constant flow of vehicles headed south. A few hundred meters there were some women on the side of the read offering water and diapers. At their kindness Eden began to cry but I saw what, I had always believed, people are inherently good, there would be more of this over the next little bit.

In Grassland we decided to stop to pee and get fuel, the lines weren't as bad here but they were still there. Of course the pumps weren't working properly so everything was slower than it should have been. In an effort to reduce the line we took the f150 and the Jerry cans through, while sitting in the truck with the Jerrys in my hand out the window a reporter from the Edmonton Journal came over, took my picture and asked a few questions(if anyone same these pictures please send them too me).

Behind there was an argument over whether someone had scooped someone at the pump or not, Arron and I did our best to ignore this. Inside the store was nearly empty of goods but packed with people. We fueled our vehicles and once again hit the road, now I'm gonna stop here because something happened on 881 not long ofter we left but this is where we found out.

Officially there were no deaths during the mass evacuation from Fort McMurray, unofficially there were two on highway 881. I should probably research this but I won't so I'll tel it how I remember. A light vehicle crossed the center line and collided with a tanker truck killing the young male and female occupant of the light vehicle and starting a fire. These were the only fatalities, now then.

We decided to go to Fort Saskatchewan, my sister had a storage unit there, she know people and they were being very welcoming to refugees so it seemed like our best bet. At the entrance to Fort Sask we split with the Jeep heading for Walmart where we waited for Sophia and I tried to find a hotel. Of course every hotel that would allow animals was booked full,,so in a desperate attempt I tried the local Super 8.

They had a two Queen suite that allowed pets and was $100 a night, I booked it in the parking lot and we had our temporary home. A lady in the parking lot gave Eden a case of water and some food and a hug and Eden cried again. Then Sophia showed up with a combination of new and used stuff for Xavier and Eden cried and they hugged.

We left our trailer, camping supplies and Sassy and Arron at Sophia's where I was bitten by a dog. A Weiner dog to be specific, the irony of escaping the Beast unscathed to be injured by a Weiner dog was not lost on me.

Sophia took Xavier to a birthday party while we moved into room 200 of the Super 8, cats in the bathroom, fish on top of the fridge. Remember the fish, Zombie? Well he spent the better part of the journey in a case the size of a deck of cards after Jax broke his Betta cup.

At Walmart we spent $500 on clothes and toiletries just because it was the stuff we were used to like my Old Spice deodorant and body wash. I also bought two pairs of blue jeans and white t-shirts because I wanted to do something different. Having enough stuff to get us through a little bit we picked up Xavier and retired to the hotel.

Now you might ask why we spent all that money on a hotel and supplies rather than go to a resource center? Well we, like much of the Fort McMurray refugees were well off and used to taking care of ourselves. We also assumed there would be other less crazy people that would be worse off than us so we didn't want to take what we didn't need. This will come up again later.

One last thing, that hotel bed was the most amazing bed I'd ever slept in.

#ymmfire Day Three(part two): Mass Exodus

I found myself with my odd collection of refugees at the ranch on highway 69. 63 was a parking lot and they weren't letting us go that way so we waited and listened to the radio and scanner. All around the city the evacuation was in full swing as people found themselves fleeing from the place they had, considered safest.

I was left with time to think as we waited to be allowed south, Eden having already past 69 and being down 881. So I did what any reasonable person would and called my insurance company, TD. The connection was garbage but I was able to establish that I was well covered and had no worries in that respect.

It was time for retrospect, I had left my bugout bag and Mare's Leg. I had only the clothes on my back and my broken in hiking boots. My sister had snacks and drinks to keep the little ones occupied as we waited. The Jeep was left running to protect the occupants who could not wander around the ranch.

After several hours that felt like days we received word that the ranch was to be evacuated as well. By a stroke of luck we found that the northbound lanes of 63 had been converted to South as well, allowing us to make excellent time and to avoid most of the traffic. Along the way I spotted my buddy Karl in his Jeep, possibly the only person outside of my family I was immediately worried about.

After a snarl up at the turn off to 881 because some fool in his penis enhancer felt the officer directing him had no business preventing him from turning south onto the clearly overloaded highway, we caught up with Karl at Gregoire Lake Estates. He told me how he had stayed until the flames were almost at his house, then had sent his friend back on a dirt bike to retrieve a snake that had been left. We left Karl at Gregoire Lake and continued on.

We were slowed again as we approached Gregoire Lake reserve where dozens of vehicles waited it line in every direction at the single gas station. The Jeep had three quarters of a tank, as I had fueled up the day before just in case. We continued on to Anzac where we discovered a similar event so we parked at a community church just outside Anzac and waited for Eden to return.

Her and Holly had gone to Conklin for fuel and water for the baby and were making their way back to Anzac where Holly's family had gone to the community center. While waiting for Eden I discovered the shorts I was wearing did not protect my legs from the ridiculous amount of mosquitoes that blanketed the area, so my sister gave me a pair of her boyfriend's jeans, now I don't wear jeans so that should tell you something of the situation.

Have you ever seen those movies where the gas runs out or people evacuating flood the gas stations and line up for miles? That's exactly what Anzac and Gregoire Lake looked like as people with not enough gas were forced to wait, or even abandon their vehicles.

When Eden and Holly arrived with Holly's baby Aaliyah, her dog Ace, and her cat. Holly was wearing nothing but short shorts, and a tank top, she had no leash for her dog and it was readily apparent they had made it out with less than we did. Like Sassy Holly's boyfriend was north of the city, and she had nothing with her. I gave her my beloved SOG belt to use as a leash for her dog.

We said goodbye to Holly and Eden joined our little ark as we once again hit the highway headed south, the smoke filling my rear view mirrors as darkness settled. I'll admit it was cramped in the Jeep, Jax had broken Zombie's original container and he now rode in a small plastic case that had originally been a first aid kit, about the size of a deck of cards.

At some point the sake took a shit which is the foulness thing ever in an enclosed space. When we stopped to let Jax pee some kind women stopped to insure we were alright and to make sure we had gas, I assured her we did and she was on her way. We were also on our way, the fuel gauge dropping as the Jeep ate up the now empty highway.

Like a port in a storm we came upon the hamlet of Janvier where a gigantic sign and several very nice people pointed us to a small gas station where we could get food and fuel. We put twenty bucks into the Patriot got lost trying to find bannock and once again we headed south, now certain we would make it to Conklin which was as far as my Sassy would go without her boyfriend.

I fueled up the Jeep and we raided the convenience store for water and food. I bought three bottles of water, a cinnamon bun, a pep and cheddar stick, a bag of Jerky, and a little veggie tray. As of the writing of this part, that was the last time I had vegetables. Sassy's boyfriend wouldn't arrive until at least three am.

While we waited the gas station ran out, the store closed at one am, several hours later than normal. A tow truck driver from AMA showed up with 200 litres for AMA members but though I was a member the Jeep was full and I wasn't taking more than I needed. I met a man who stopped to piss in front of me and told me how he lost his house and two rental properties that were all paid for and uninsured.

There was now more time to think but I refused, instead I just watched. Every so often a convoy of ten or so vehicles would come south past the gas station, some stopping to wait at the now closed pumps, some continued on towards Lac La Biche. At some point a fuel truck arrived and refuelled the station, later a convoy of emergency vehicles headed north.

Aaron finally arrived and we moved Sassy's animals over to his work truck, he had snuck into Gregoire and grabbed a few more things, which opened up room in the Jeep. At his point it was three am and we decided to sleep in the vehicles in the parking lot, this will forever be remembered as a bad idea.

Using a pair of Aaron's pyjama pants as a pillow I had the worst sleep of my life. Unable to lean my seat back because Cindy was behind me I had to keep switching positions every thirty minutes or so. This would make day four another very long day indeed.

#ymmfire Day Three(part one): Shit Hits the Fan

I slept until eleven on Tuesday May third. When I woke up I texted my brother, Bobby and wished him a happy birthday. My next plan was to unpack from Calgary. So I put on a pair of Camo Columbia shorts, a pair of smartwool socks, my Bear Grylls button up adventure shirt, and my comfy masturbation shoes.

I dumped out my duffel bag and went for a smoke, the sky was clear and things seemed to be improving. An hour later after fooling around inside with my guns I came back out for another smoke, much had changed. The smoke of doom now filled the sky, hovering over Gregoire with all the threat of a death sentence given form.

It was on this smoke that I called my boss, no evacuation had been issued but I asked him what I was to do about work should I be evacuated. He told me to call the leadership if I'm evacuated and let them know. This was about one pm.

Eden's cousin Holly called her and asked her to come to Thickwood to watch the baby while Holly showered. Cindy and I were against this as my spider sense was in full blown panic mode. We even suggested that Holly shower at our house to no avail.

I started grabbing things at this time while Eden waited for Holly to pick her up. Xavier was on the couch with his ipad enjoying his usual late breakfast. I texted my sister, Sassy and told her to get ready again. I grabbed some of my favourite knives and a couple things and tossed them on the bed at this time I assumed I had two hours to get ready, at least.

Eden left with Holly and Sassy called me and said she was going to pack and wanted to know if I would drive her to work at two, I said I would. Next I grabbed the tote filled with dehydrated food and began filling water bottles. I also moved my Mossberg 464spx and AR7 to the front door. My Henry Mare's leg I put in my bug out bag.

I locked my two GI style Jerry cans to the trailer and was in the process of grabbing camping gear from the shed when my sister called to say she was ready to go. I told Cindy to get ready, grabbed my multicam special forces scarf and multicam boony hat and jumped in the Jeep to take my sister to work.

Sassy worked at a Pet Value downtown and after missing the previous day of work she felt obligated to go to work today. As we made our way downtown I became aware of how bad the situation was rapidly becoming. I was ready to turn back but Sassy's sense of duty kept us heading down Beacon Hill where it was becoming quickly apparent that north bound traffic wasn't moving.

We made it as far as the Walmart on hospital street before it became obvious we could go no farther north. Sassy called her work and said she wasn't going to make it and we began heading south again. Remembering the snarl ups in traffic I cut through waterways and got onto the south bound highway,this would be the last time I saw waterways and downtown.

As we neared the top of the Beacon Hill traffic stopped and began crawling. The sky was nothing but a black mass now, I could see all around me as people panicked and cried in their vehicles. Phone lines were getting jammed but I was able to get through to Eden to tell her to get out.

Now at the top of the hill I realized the flames were visible less than, two hundred feet to my right, the heat palpable even inside the air conditioned Patriot. North bound traffic was completely deadlocked except for an occasional emergency vehicle. Vehicles were driving along the grass to escape Beacon Hill now and things were breaking down further as the smoke and heat grew exponentially.

Traffic was no longer moving, I was two hundred feet from the entrance to Gregoire when I decided I was getting back to my son. Sassy had begun to panic in the passenger seat and traffic was starting to spread out on the north bound lanes. I saw an opportunity made a plan, allowed several other vehicles to do the same thing and went for it.

Flipping on the left signal light I floored the Patriot and cranked the wheel hard, the Jeep leaping off the highway and into the ditch separating the highway, trailer bouncing along behind. I stopped at the northbound lanes and waited for the dust to clear before I floored it again and we were across into the ditch on the other side.

The ditch on the far side of the highway went down at a forty five degree angle before going up at something like a seventy degree angle, I hit this with the petal to the metal and that Canadian tire dragging along behind. Amazing the Jeep and the trailer made it to the walking path that ran parallel to the highway and into Gregoire.

Just as we were about to get back to the road we hit an interesting weather phenomenon; a miniature tornado formed by the fire and filed with all manner of debris which hammered the Jeep. Above the Jeep powerlines began to spark and explode and I find myself with no visibility. With no other choice I steered and hit the gas making it back out to the road, where I found myself driving on the wrong side of the road.

Following the wrong side of the road and hoping traffic wouldn't drive into us we turned into a smaller trailer court hoping there was a way into ours. I found nothing and when ready to drive through a fence to get home. Luckily that didn't become necessary when I saw a truck cut through the fire hall parking lot and onto a greenbelt between the trailer courts.

Luckily I had driven into this greenbelt from inside the trailer court once before I was able to find my way back in and to my house. I came flying in, driving across my front lawn and basically parallel parking. My sister and I ran into the house yelling for Cindy to get ready and gathering up what we could and throwing it where we could. I grabbed a TRU spec tote bag and my osprey 24/7 backpack.

The next few minutes passed in a blur which involved a screaming match with Cindy, nearly forgetting my fish and losing my keys. I made it out with my clothes on my back, two guns, two multitools, five knives, one tomahawk, and my costume accessories from the Expo. Xavier made it out with his jammies and ipad.

Cindy ended up bringing two suitcase and I grabbed Eden's duffel bag from the Expo because she hadn't unpacked. Inside the Jeep we now had my fish, two cats in a wicker trunk, Rosie in her carrier, and Jax riding in the front seat. In the trailer was an assortment of camping gear, pet food, the suit cases, dehydrated food, water, and my 464spx.

Saying goodbye to our house after running back in the grab Zombie we made our way to Sassy's house where we added her two cats, one fish, one bearded dragon, one corn snake, and her two bags. I called Eden and told her to meet us at Indian beach, which they had opened to evacuees.

Maxing our way out of the city would prove difficult involving once again driving on the wrong side of the road, a pleasant Rcmp officer and discovering the highway south was a parking lot. We were rerouted to highway 69, luckily Sassy's boyfriend's family own the ranch there and we were able to rest for a while. Unfortunately Eden was now south of town at Indian Beach, and Sassy's boyfriend, Arron was north of the city.

Okay I'm gonna pause here, just like we did because day three was a very long day and I need a break. I'll make a day three part two to continue this tale very soon.

#ymmfire, Day Two: The Calm

It was around seven am when Eden and I woke up, neither of us having slept very well. We filled up the Patriot and headed the last two and a half hours back to Fort McMurray. The drive was uneventful, the evacuation order for, Gregoire lifetime and the fires seemed to have taken a rest.

We made it back to our house, the neighbourhood still mostly empty, only a few die hard holdouts still there. The house was empty, something that hadn't happened since we moved in. We unloaded the Jeep into the living room and made our way across town to where our family was staying.

At the time Gregoire was clear, blue sky, no smoke, just any other day. As we came down Beacon Hill towards downtown it was clear things weren't yet back to normal. Thick grey smoke coated the downtown area like a fog from Hell itself. Visibility was, extremely reduced and it became hard to breathe so I kept the air conditioning on in the Jeep.

The smoke was thinner in Thickwood as we stopped at the Tim Horton's there for coffee and food but the air still had that aroma of campfire gone wrong. Unlike Gregoire the people north of the bridge seemed to be going about their business as usual, the drive through was busy and people came and went everywhere you looked.

We made it to our family who we were happily reunited with; Xavier, Cindy, Jax, Rosie, Fritz, Lil Bear, and Zombie. My son, mother-in-law, shepherd, chihuahua, two cats, and Betta. Crammed into a fifth wheel travel trailer. After Cindy finished giving us shit for making the journey Eden and I fell quickly asleep still in our clothes from the day before.

It was a short restless sleep and I awoke over heated and soaked in sweat. Leaving the animals at the travel trailer we decided to go get my trailer; a ten foot wire mesh Canadian Tire special we bought off my Dad. We were going to sleep in our own beds that night, which on top of being the last time for long while would also be the best decision we made.

The rest of the day passed without excitement as things seemed to return to normal. We packed up our animals from the travel trailer, thanked our host, Jamie and went home.

At home we brought everything inside but I left the trailer hooked up to the Jeep, my spider sense still tingling. We didn't bother to unpack from Calgary, leaving all our bags packed. All my survival gear still sat on the shelving unit where I stored it. I don't remember when we went to bed, it seems so unimportant at the time. I just remember that it was a really deep sleep and the last decent one I've had. I didn't dream but according to most people day three was the beginning of a nightmare that hasn't yet ended.

#ymmfire, day one

It was May 1st, 2016, I was in Banff, Alberta with my wife, Eden and my brother. We had just finished three days of the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo and we're taking the Sunday to relax in Banff before driving home to Fort McMurray the next time day. It all started when my mother in law sent Eden and I a picture of a smoke plume taken from our front door. It was a cool picture, if I find it I will add it to this blog; the smoke covered the sun and turned it a deep crimson. With that cell phone picture my whole world changed.

Okay I'm going to pause the story here and give some context and general information on this tale which will be partly analysis, part biography, and part conjecture because this is the single most fascinating thing to happen in my life. Unfortunately I'm not the kind of person to write things as they happen or to keep a diary so I will be piecing some parts from memory, social media, news media, and any documentation I might have around. Anyways sorry for boring you with this let's get back to one of what I'm sure is many interesting tales of, survival from the biggest evacuation in Alberta history.

The picture combined with news reports of evacuation warnings coming from the city convinced my wife and I that we needed to head home straight away, even though it meant driving all night after three days of the Expo and a day walking around Banff. In my younger years I had done more on less, now pushing thirty I was having a harder time but I knew my wife needed to get home.

Phone calls from my sister proved more informative than my mother in law, what was home with my son, or any media sources. My sister told me she could see the flames across the highway where a permanent fifth wheel Park, a hotel, a Burger King, and a Shell/Flying J had already been emptied.

To quote my sister, "you always think you want to see it, but actually seeing it is fucking scary."

By the time we made it back to our hotel on the north side of Calgary, my Jeep Patriot now full of gas and a Mountain Dew energy drink for me, the evacuation of Gregoire had started. My wife’s best friend was headed to our house to get my son, mother-in-law, two dogs, and two cats. My fish was to be left behind, something trivial I know but I can get quite attached to my pets even, the not so cute ones.

As we quickly packed up our hotel room and checked early my concern grew and my wife began to panic, the thought of, being so far from her child in danger almost too much for her to bear. The Patriot loaded up, I waited for by wife to have a smoke in front of the hotel. At this time she was talking to her mother, my sister phoned me at the same time.

She lived nearby with her boyfriend and they had all evacuated already, but being my sister and knowing I wasn't home she wanted to check in on my family. As my sister packed up my family and pets, even the fish, Zombie. My wife, brother and I hit the QE2 and I prayed for a tail wind. We found a place for them all to stay in the fifth wheel of a good family friend.

With our family safe across town from the fires my wife and brother fell asleep before Red Deer, leaving me alone to think. I found it ironic that the apocalypse expert would be far away when the disaster finally came knocking, I would come to regret this thought over the coming days. Thankfully some asshat in a Mazda decided my headlights were too bright and followed me with his brights on until I finally cut my speed to 80 kmh and he was forced to pass. So I followed him for a few clicks with lights in his mirror because I'm nothing if not petty behind the wheel.

It was around midnight when I dropped my brother of at his home in Edmonton. Sometime between there and Grassland the mandatory evacuation was switched to voluntary which angered some people. At about 3 am my wife and I stopped in Wandering River, parking the Jeep in between a cube van and a flat deck tractor trailer, we slept there until 7 am when day two began.